Enter the Silence

A few years ago, one of my yoga teachers shared a wisdom that has sat with me ever since. She said, “When we get older we need to get quiet and still.  We have to let the inner body expand out more.  This is the work.”

This was at a time where I was starting to feel my body in a different way but wasn’t quite ready to hear it.  My joints were starting to feel a little less mobile and showing up for my practice in the same way was feeling like a lot of effort. Hearing this in that moment was invaluable because it gave me the wisdom to start listening in a different way to my body.  I could feel how I was still pushing to keep up with my younger self. Though I could feel my body wanting to move in a different way, I was still willing my shoulders to open instead of inviting the opening to occur from within.

I’ve spent so much of my life pushing, particularly my body even through my yoga practice.  I was gifted a strong, athletic body and it can become a crutch in a way, pushing and willing my way through things. The last year and a half, I have felt stretched on so many levels.  My husband has had some major health issues that have required me to show up in different ways.  My younger son lost a very close friend suddenly and my oldest son became a teenager and mothering has been challenging in whole new ways.  With all of this is going on I turned 50 and felt the pressure of age on my side.  It’s been a big and challenging time for many of us who have chosen a path that is committed to growth and evolution and the older I get the more I realize it takes slowing down and turning inward to resource that deeper well of life force energy. .

I am grateful for this strength that has carried me through these last years and I am learning how to manage my life force energy so that I can live from a vibrant, healthy and resourced place.  It’s so beautiful to get more quiet and still.  There is so much there in the spaciousness.  I took a deep breath and softened from inside.  I felt vulnerable, almost teary around how much I’ve relied on that strength.  Then I softened again and opened to the energy expanding from inside out.

Old patterns are shedding for me and I am grateful for the wise woman teachers I have access to as I go through these subtle but huge changes in my body and the way I expend energy in my life.  It’s early December and I am coming up on my birthday and the end of my 50^th year and I feel better than I ever had on so many levels.  I took a walk today in the fresh snowfall, aware of the bright blue sky and cold, invigorating winter air.  I listened. The warm sun was on my face and I tuned into the peaceful nature of life, receiving all that I needed, exhaling my breath and letting go of any effort to get somewhere or do something. My exhale reminded me that all is well. I am alive in this body, breathing with the rest of existence and that I am grateful for. At least for this moment and any moment I choose to rest there.