I’ve been intoxicated by so much beauty down here on retreat in New Mexico these past few days and simultaneously, watching, as our world reveals so much injustice and violence. As a white privileged woman, I’ve been, quieting and tuning into what is coming up for me and how I am to take a stand without reacting from my old patterns that I know, may not serve in the highest.
Since I’ve been here I’ve observed the heavy and violent hail storms and rains coming through, that seem necessary at times, for purifying and nourishing the fertile land, feeding it with brilliant shades of green and full, flowing rivers. These last few years of my personal life have been similar. I chose my path of purifying a lot of rage and anger that was conditioned and patterned in my lineage. Initially my yoga practice is what showed me and gave me the tools to begin to heal this pattern with consciousness and love. I was aware how this unconscious pattern was bringing a lot of toxicity to me and my family and was affecting how I showed up in my world.
My white privileged upbringing, conditioned me to stay in my pride and to look the other way when things got ugly. I was never taught how to take accountability until the yoga of my relationship so clearly mirrored to me where I wasn’t doing that. I got to a place where it became more painful to keep turning away than to look the tiger in the eye. Once I did, even though it took a lot of courage, it wasn’t so bad. It reminds me of that moment in ‘Beauty and the Beast’ where Belle was able to see beyond the ugly face and into the true nature of the Beast where she finds true love and beauty.
It’s humbling without a doubt to look inside our own psyche and see the beast but it’s absolutely necessary if any of us want to shift what is happening on the outer. Through the conscious expression of rage and anger, I have been able to connect with more beauty and authenticity in myself and others. It still shows it’s ugly face but not nearly as often and I am able to move through it with much more ease and grace. Each time I face into the hurt and pain with compassion, I am given the opportunity to experience more joy and beauty in my life. What a paradox life is!! The outer is always a reflection of our inner states so when we witness what we are now in the outer, it’s truly an opportunity to have the courage to look at our disowned parts and own them so we can move beyond them.
For what it’s worth coming from a middle aged, privileged, white woman, I urge you to please, at least be open to look into the Beast of your own self as Belle finally did in the end. Look at where you carry shame and guilt around privilege. It’s okay to feel it just don’t hang out there too long. Take accountability for your part and take the action necessary to change your state from shame and guilt to love and kindness. If we are to heal the deeper wounds that are showing their ugly faces, it is the necessary path in move forward and creating a new, more evolved society.